How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
