I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
