Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif