so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.