I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"