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• (818): View more from California

  i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

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• (408): View more from California

  Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.

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• (631): View more from New York

  This beer is not sobering me up at all

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (989): View more from Michigan

  I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.

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• (408): View more from California

  I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend

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