Texts From Last Night

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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.

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  (339): today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day. http://tfl.nu/37h9
  Replies (22) Good night (4025) Bad night (757)
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  (562): View more from California

  I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff

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  (562): I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff http://tfl.nu/dgtn
  Replies (12) Good night (1012) Bad night (3812)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"

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  (587): the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away" http://tfl.nu/q751
  Replies (7) Good night (1052) Bad night (5045)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here

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  (217): i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here http://tfl.nu/dmaq
  Replies (18) Good night (1714) Bad night (2444)
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  (518): View more from New York

  one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what

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  (518): one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what http://tfl.nu/cm71
  Replies (7) Good night (2070) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.

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  (601): So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment. http://tfl.nu/ledy
  Replies (6) Good night (2914) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.

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  (706): I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja. http://tfl.nu/8z0x
  Replies (13) Good night (2411) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...

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  (858): You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there... http://tfl.nu/mklp
  Replies (5) Good night (883) Bad night (1776)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You rang?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.

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  (707): You rang? (405): Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone. http://tfl.nu/xnwm
  Replies (15) Good night (2398) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."

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  (763): she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant." http://tfl.nu/1vw9
  Replies (7) Good night (527) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.

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  (207): We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night. http://tfl.nu/i415
  Replies (2) Good night (809) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back

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  (530): hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back http://tfl.nu/8xnm
  Replies (1) Good night (665) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I can't put those talents on a resume

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  (209): I can't put those talents on a resume http://tfl.nu/4txi
  Replies (5) Good night (672) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.

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  (501): We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead. http://tfl.nu/vg5a
  Replies (6) Good night (512) Bad night (216)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah

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  (504): Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah http://tfl.nu/mugp
  Replies (2) Good night (239) Bad night (425)

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