I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
