This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
