Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize