9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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