R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
