I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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