Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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