There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
