Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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