I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
