I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
