Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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