Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
