I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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