Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
