Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
