A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
