Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
