we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
