She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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