He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize