So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize