I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
