Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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