What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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