I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
