I cockslap morals
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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