I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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