i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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