I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
