Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
