kristin has been a bad kristin
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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