I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
