When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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