Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
