I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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