When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
that's an acceptable place to lick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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