I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize