I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
