when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
