I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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