I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
