Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
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This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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