I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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