don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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