is your mom at the bar?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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