id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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