I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
