I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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