I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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