the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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