I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
