You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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