Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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