From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
