I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
