is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
