Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
