Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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