nut hugger
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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