HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
