Screwed.edu
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
