I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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