and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
