I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize