You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
