last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
