Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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