She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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