I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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