I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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