the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
