I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
