Your mouth is God's brothel.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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