i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ttyl tear gas
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We're too hungover to prance.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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