I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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